The End of the Story

I have never had as many people comment to me as I did on my last blog. See, the one prior  I was so caught off guard. I thought there was a lot of others that were more soulful, but that was the one I heard most about in a long time. It was about letting go and letting yourself be loved, held and taken care of. So I wanted to bring you up to date...

The very adored husband of mine never left me. He just rebooked his trip, this time including me. He figured it was in his best interest. He sprung it on me by saying, "Guess what Honey? We are going to Vegas!" He was so excited- like a kid in a candy store. So happy to have solved his problem by making sure he put me on that plane to Vegas with him. It would have been perfect, but in his excitement he forgot that our second oldest boy was home from college in Chicago and would not be leaving until Sunday. And he booked us to fly out the Saturday before...Oh well.  I love my husband with all of my heart- but just try and take me away from a full house of our boys these days is well...impossible. Long story short- though he rebooked me to fly out on Sunday (him still leaving on Saturday) but he came to his senses. So he tried to change his flight to leave Sunday with me- but the flights were sold out. So actually this was perfect this way anyway- because I get to spend the last few hours with all four of my boys under one roof and he gets to gamble on March madness. We both win.

I felt like the true winner though- as I was climbing the stairs to bed and I heard him give his last words of goodbye to his four sons. "Take care of your mom, make sure she is ok til I see her tomorrow night in Vegas." These are the same words he has given our boys since they were probably waist high.  He tells them and they honor him. He has taught these boys, who are now men in fact- about the importance of love and honor of family, and the old fashioned 'chauvinistic' responsibility of caring for their mother and important women in their lives. I know whoever they marry will be so cherished and will feel the same joy that I feel knowing that I am loved hard and deeply, completely surrounded by my men. Thank you to my husband for being the light of my life and the gift of strength to my sons.

I smiled to myself and tears came to my eyes as I brushed passed him. And came to my computer to express this warm feeling of deep love on this blog. I am so blessed. Do I deserve it?  I don't know. But all I can say is that I live each day understanding that in this lifetime I am so utterly blessed and grateful and realize it with every breath I take.

So, goodnight sweet husband of mine. I will say the same words I have said to you the last twenty-six years of my life when you fly without me, "Come home safe to me."

Home, being wherever we happen to find ourselves.   xo ginny

Comfort Food for My Stormy Night

Miami today was so gorgeous, warm, but not hot, dry with a little humidity. A day we Floridians live in Florida for. The news though told the story of the monster storm, the largest storm of recent history covering over 2,000 miles. Airports were closing all over the nation. I could feel a buzz all over, between the goings on in Eygpt and the monster storm, I was glued to CNN.

Funny without realizing it til I was midway through cooking dinner, I was making a comfort food dinner, as if I too was in the midst of harsh elements. Gathering family around a warm meal. I laughed at myself and yet understood. One of my sons is in school in Chicago. He was having a PJ day in the frat house, chaos in their kitchen as the cook could not make it in. I longed to be there, maybe not around all those guys, they would really be wondering about me...but just with my son hanging out. Cozy- watching the elements go by the window.  For some reason I found it hard to comprehend him living such a life so different and far from us. My comfort food was a way of connecting to him. Once again the heart strings pull tight.

I overcooked by quite a lot, but who wouldn't on a cold stormy night.

My made up pasta recipe. Lets call it- White Bean Roasted Tomato Sauce

I had a white bean puree sitting in the refrigerator (white beans cooked from scratch or canned-rinse well). The puree was made by cooking the finished beans in olive oil, garlic,  rosemary and salt and pepper. Add grated best quality Parmesan cheese. (I used food processor) blend to puree.

To this I added roasted tomatoes and basil (from my garden). Roast cherry or grape tomatoes in olive oil,  salt and pepper, and tons of fresh chopped basil.

Then I combined the two mixtures in a large sautee pan.
Then a lot of zucchini- chopped and added to the pan. Then I left everything on low heat, added more olive oil, stirred frequently to blend the bean mixture thoroughly so it thinned out.

I boiled salted water to cook penne pasta.

While this was going on- I cut up a large butternut squash, again tossed with olive oil, S&P, and added sage. I roasted it in a preheated oven at 425 for 30 minutes. Then added 1/2 cup maple syrup and mixed gently but well.  I cooked it another 20 minutes and then added grated pecorino cheese, to the hot squash. Absolutely incredible.

I also made kale chips spray with olive oil spray (less oil that way) sprinkle with salt cook 25 min at 300degrees. Remove leaves from stem and cut into chip size.

Since I was almost finished cooking- but not quite- I took more basil and fresh arugula (both from the garden), then took some large tomatoes- and cut them in thick rings and laid them over the arugula with fresh organic mozzarella, with a splash of some balsamic vinegar and you guessed it, olive oil.

We lingered over the meal as comfort food has a way of drawing us in tight. Conversation was ongoing, homework and responsibilities waited, and Bear on cue seemed to get it she snored soundly in the background, while the beautiful, balmy South Florida night seemed so very far away.

xo ginny

The Boy Drives Off

Today, I watched the baby just pull out of the driveway and head off alone in a car for the very first time.

My feelings?  So many at once...a little sick to my stomach mixed with gratefulness that all went well, that he passed and  actually came home with the license. Sadness and relief,  that we won't be running down each night to pick him up from practice an hour haul round trip.

What is the boy, our treasured baby like? He is one of those people you come across in life that you just want to get to know better. He believes he has a strong place in this world. He takes up space, he is big and athletic with a very rugged appeal. When he enters the house, the door flies open with a sudden burst, he yells his arrival. Miss Bear always charges him with a rough and tough greeting she saves for her adored master.

When he comes into the kitchen, his hand is always reaching for food. The body always hungering. When he shuts his door he does it soundly, never a quiet click.
He puts in his all into whatever he is working on.

At times when he was younger, it could drive me crazy, he was so hard on himself, and now I see that was how he worked into the confidence he carries with him everyday. He understands within himself that he creates his world by how much he puts in.

He has me completely wrapped around his finger, though I try to convince him otherwise. When I do something that really pleases him he wraps his arms around me, squeezes my shoulders and with that deep voice says "great job Mom, I love you" I answer with "of course you do, you just got your way".

Inside though, I am swollen with joy.

This was the child that I decided to quietly create. Yes, of course I had a partner in my husband, he just wasn't quite aware of how I was hungering for this fourth child. After having three beautiful boys- I wanted my girl, I wanted my daughter who I would dress in pink,  play with her shiny dark hair, and take to ballet instead of basketball.  She would have a button nose and a spunk to her. I couldn't wait to begin the process of her creation, and so I didn't.  I started when my 3rd was just a tiny infant. (Yes there are moments in my life where I definitely feel that like Lucy in I Love Lucy: I leap forward, and worry later.)

The fourth pregnancy came immediately, I put on a front of shock like everyone else, and honestly felt so overwhelmed at my lack of planning- just good old fashioned emotional hungering.
For my husband wanted 2 kids and possibly one dog, if that.

I still remember clearly the night I told him of Kevin's pregnancy- the house full, upstairs a sleeping 5 yr old, 3 yr old and infant. We were watching Seinfeld, and every commercial I would gather myself to tell my husband, then recede back into myself, overwhelmed at the prospect of what was ahead of us. When I did tell my him,  I laid it out and let my false bravado slip away. His answer...I will never forget, "we will raise these kids to be really decent people, that we want to spend our time with."

Kevin of course is as far as can be from my delicate, shiny haired wanna be daughter. He came out with the blondest of hair and bluest of eyes. He was a wild infant in utero, and came out in the same style. I looked at him and fell so in love, laughed in relief that I finally felt complete. I knew immediately I had been waiting for him, that he would complete our family and quietly put my daughter dreams aside  and fell wildly, crazily in love with our last. Our baby.

We treasure our boys, love them and respect them. And expect that and more back from each of them. Ours is not a democracy, though as the boys are becoming wonderful men and the hammering days have gone, and we instead now quietly chisel and mold our boys,  I can see how we are becoming more like board members, advising in the backdrop to their lives- rather than the focus.

That is how it should be and so yes, as he drove out this morning so many thoughts, and yet the understanding this is what we hope and pray for everyday of their lives.  That they go forth.

 Safe traveling, my baby boy, love you always and forever. xo Mom