To be or not to be...Strong.

I pride myself on living a life that is filled with optimism. I grow impatient with whining, as I believe in the strength in oneself. My father, taught me from a young age- right or wrong. He taught me that people don't want to hear your woes.

He once asked me how I slept. Since I didn't have a great night's sleep, I told him so and he responded, "I didn't really want to know, I was being polite, just answer me great and move on."  I have always remembered his words. It became a life lesson that I carried with me.

So I smile a lot, love to be happy and yet when something is really bothering me, only those closest to me know. I guess I feel it is my privacy, and I am one of the lucky ones, I see beauty and joy, almost every where I walk. Sadness does not have a strong hold on me, but I do feel for those it grips. Yet there are moments in my life that things really rattle me, but as I get older I am getting more comfortable letting down my defenses and saying, "no, I am not ok".  It happened this past week.

Spring break was fast approaching and it seemed as though my family was taking off in all different directions and I would be alone over the spring break. One boy back to college, one not in yet, one off to lacrosse camp and my husband decided to take off with another son to Vegas and Utah. ginnybakes is taking off in a million different directions and it just wasn't the time to let go of the reins. I was feeling scared and proud of the growth of my baby company, yet feeling so very overwhelmed.  I love making dreams happen. I have an ambitious, entrepreneurial side that has been hiding just underneath the surface all of these years and yet dealing with the paper work side of the business makes me feel like a three year old. I cannot seem to grasp or focus on it. I think it could actually give me hives! So I hinted to my husband I thought it might be better if he stayed in town. He didn't seem to hear me. Vegas and Utah skiing are his heaven. To get the man's attention especially during March Madness would require screaming. But I don't scream. It makes me cringe. Instead, I retreat and retreat.

I told him that if he left, I would not appease him with pleasant goodbyes and words of comfort but that he had to make his own decision. I have to tell you that there are moments in your life where you need your partner with you to just be there, hold your hand and offer perhaps nothing more than their presence.

He was due to leave at 6:30 am Tuesday morning. At 4:30 he got out of bed and told our son the trip was off. Do I own him as my male friends tease? No, does he own my heart strings? Yes. I needed him and he came through. Does the sun shine a little brighter this week, for me? Absolutely. Why did he stay home? Because I needed him, and though sometimes we need to listen, hear, and be strong- we also sometimes need to babied and looked after. And that's ok too, I am learning.

Thank you to the beautiful man that looked after me this week.  I owe you, and the payback will be such fun, I am sure.  xo ginny